"No Tech"

Sometimes you've got to get back to a place where technology isn't the answer — where your AI chat buddy can't be there to hand you an overly complicated fix for a "problem" that never needed one. A little sharp thinking saves the day. And in one of these examples, maybe your life.

Fobbed

You're stepping out of your car. Just before, your phone rang and you took the call, dropping your keys and fob in your lap. Distracted, you go to get out — and the keys slide off your lap onto the seat. You notice, but not until the last second, and the car locks. Normally it wouldn't. This time it did.

Smashy Smashy

Most people look around for something nearby with a bit of oomph. A stone? A brick? A stick? A pipe? You're in a rush to get somewhere important, so maybe smashing the window is the answer. It is — if you're happy to unnecessarily drop $1K, $2K, $3K or more. And now you've busted the power windows too, so that's a $5,000 parts-and-labour job.

Call in the Pro

Calling a locksmith or a tow service feels like the sensible move. But that's money you don't have, and when are they actually going to show up? I'd bet the fancier the car, the faster they come — and the more it costs. Save the money and the time.

You're Much Smarter than All That

Use your big brain instead. Don't waste the time, the money, or the brain cells dealing with others (love you all). You won't damage the car — you still have to take care — and most importantly you'll have your way back in. Plus you'll impress anyone watching, or anyone you tell about it later.

Roll of Tape Gets You Back Rollin'

You're probably at a gas station, a mall, a store, your own driveway — somewhere like that. So it shouldn't be hard to find a roll of tape. Packing tape is best: the semi-transparent kind with a brown tone, not scotch tape. Scotch can work if it's wide, like 2" — 4 or 5 cm — because we need surface area. Duct tape really works, but it'll leave a mess of sticky residue. That said, duct tape is the perfect example of the width you want.

Take the roll and lay down three strips across the top two-thirds of the window: one across the top, one across the middle, one across the bottom. Now do the same thing vertically, overlapping, so you've got a square patched over the window. Then go corner to corner, both diagonals, for an "X". Now repeat the whole thing — three horizontal, three vertical, then the X to tie it together — and do this many times over. Say you're on your tenth pass. Now take a longer length of tape and run it straight down the middle of this taped-up masterpiece. For the next few passes, keep tucking those longer lengths between the layers. Do it three, four, five times. You want the whole thing solid — really holding — and those long lengths locked in tight. Done. A work of fine art.

Almost There, Almost Back In

Staring at all those layers of tape laid across the window, you might be wondering what's next. How is this supposed to open the car? Maybe if I grab that brick and smash the window now, the tape holds the glass together while it breaks? I'll be honest — first time I saw this, that's exactly what I thought. Tape as protection while you smash.

Nope.

Those longer pieces dangling down — grab them. Hold them tight. Now pull down with force, but don't jerk it. Gentle, but firm. It moves. The window comes down with your help, far enough to fish out that damned keyless fob. Impressive, eh? It shouldn't take much force. If it does, I'd go the professional route just in case — otherwise this works maybe 98% of the time. And all you're out is a roll of packing tape. (Don't forget to grab a replacement roll for next time.)

Incoming Drone — Lethal, and Fiber Optics

That distinctive hum, buzz fills the air. You're somewhere in the world where people aren't kind to each other. This isn't the cinematic, capture-the-view kind of drone — this one is large and in charge. It flew in from a distance, sent by angry people who someone before you wronged, hurt their family, put pain in their eyes. This is war. They're angry, and they've armed this drone with a lethal payload: a converted mine that detonates on impact. The mine's blast range isn't big — thank goodness — but the drone's range is. It's tethered to a fiber optic cable so the operator never loses control or signal, and that cable unspools as it flies. It's long. Kilometres. Miles, maybe. As soon as it spots you, it's over. No hiding, no running. Right now it has the high ground.

The operator sees you through their video feed clear as day, thanks to that fiber link. Smart — genius, actually, whoever thought it out. A drone, on a tether, over fiber optics. Maybe someone out of the drone-submersible world? It's fitted with the bare-bones necessities to get the job done, and probably more. Thermal? IR? Just assume it has all of that. Good luck.

Quick Thinking Saves Lives

You know what you have to do. Pull out the shotgun and blast it — nope, no shotgun. Or the thing dodged every shot, too fast and nimble, coming at you fast with its load armed. There's a bundle of rope nearby. Maybe some bags, some material, a tarp. Grab your knife or something sharp and cut arm-length strips, roughly arm-width, a bunch of them — not so many you can't hold it up, but a good bundle. Think Sideshow Bob's hair. Tie it all together at one end.

Next, find a long pole or stick, at least double your height — longer is better, as long as you can still hold it up and swing the rat's nest of material you've tied to the end.

Bush Whacker / Whack a Drone

Now you've got yourself a life-saving anti-drone weapon. The drone's props are no match for the ball of material on the end of that pole. As it hurtles at you, stay as low as you can, take cover, and swing. The props and the fiber tether tangle in the material — and your life, and anyone near you, is saved.

Then ditch the thing. And I want to be clear: I am not advocating or promoting any of this. The drone could still be manually armed — if the pilot's still connected, they could trigger the explosive. So at the very least sever the tether and make sure it has no other way of talking back to home base. If you know for certain it's not going to blow, send the operator a smile and a one-fingered salute to share your elation. But only if you are 50,000% sure that once-lethal payload can't somehow go off.

Good work, soldier.